A lot has happened since my last post, so I will be spending the next few post updating my blog. 

To begin though, I had a panic attack last night...for those of you suffering from the recurrence of panic attacks I feel for you.  I experienced my first panic attack 8 years ago.  I was Christmas shopping and dealing with some personal problems at the time, when everything became disoriented, breathing became difficult...anyway you know the drill.  Since then, they have been few and far between. One year ago this August I had half my thyroid removed because of a tumor and the months leading up to that I started having attacks almost daily. It practically confined me to my home, even driving a few miles from home without my safety person (that is what I call Aaron) I would begin to panic and have to pull over, feeling unable to get back.  I'll save you from all the different stories and kind of embarrassing things that happen to me when I have attacks :P

Anyway, I have been working on getting them under control with meds but have realized that's not for me.  The meds dulled my insides and the detox from them has been uncomfortable in the least...with a long list of withdraw symptoms including more panic attacks and the fear of dying that accompanies them.  I stare at my kids when they are sleeping and hope I am around to see them grow up.  It sounds irrational and probably is but in the middle of an attack, dying is what I fear most...which brings me back to where I started and as you can see still alive, once again escaping deaths grip.  That comment would not have been funny to me last night but afterwards I need humor (that's why I usually spend the rest of the night watching comedies)

I have tried a few different ideas for this blog but have yet to find a fit.

I am home with my kids after a short stint in the "working" world...back to the hardest job I ever had but with hard work comes the best rewards.  This will be our day to day and probably a little therapy for me...Thank you for reading.