Christmas Eve Day

A little alone time before family time.  Horrible panic attacks last night.

Let's work this out

Grateful 

1 waking up

2 my Yukon 

3 coffee

It is hard being with your kids every day all day.  I get to the point where just the sound of their voice is irritating to me.  How can I be so upset with Maggie when she keeps asking me to read her more books?  I just want to be left alone for a few minutes.  I feel myself acting horrible towards them with so much disconnect. I want to be excited about them and what they say and do. 

Bake first batch of gingerbread and sugar cookies

These two are my reason for wanting more.  I never want them to have these feelings. I see too much of me in them.  I want them to live life, trying things, never letting others dictate how they feel.

Losing it

PANIC DISORDER 

I need help and strength. I don't feel as if I will make it. I am physically and mentally drained. 

I want my life back because what I am doing now isn't living. It's just waiting and worrying about dying.

Health Anxiety

Doom

Helplessness

Body is worn out, I am killing myself with this stress.

Never wanted to give up but feel I can't pull through this.